Gaining A Perspective vs. Regaining A Perspective

Nearly one year ago, I sat completely broken before the pastor. The events of the previous year had taken a devastating toll on the families of several of our ministers who had been publically slandered and accused, threatened into silence and forced out. And now it was taking a serious toll on my own family as we watched their pain…helpless to change the momentum started by a few, but fueled by the apathy of many.

The pastor asked me a direct question. “What do you want to see happen?” I felt it was a straightforward and fair question. My answer went something like this: “The men who publically spoke the untruths about these ministers to groups of Sunday School classes need to be held accountable for the hurt they have caused these families. They spoke the untruths publically, so someone in leadership needs to publically address the situation with the congregation and separate the truth from the fiction. Someone needs to put these rumors to rest and restore the reputations of these ministers. We need to apologize, as a church, to these families.”

I’ll never forget his response. He said that what I had just described could never happen because “this church does not have the organizational capacity”. I sat stunned. What do you mean? I asked him to clarify more than once. I simply couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I reacted with tears…anger…hurt…disbelief. In an attempt to help the words penetrate my resistance, he just kept saying slowly and clearly over and over, “Listen to me…this church does not have the organizational capacity to look at this situation and do what you are suggesting.” I kept saying, “No. This church has the capacity to do whatever it wants to do. It may choose not to make this right, but it’s not because it can’t…it’s because it won’t.” He mentioned in that conversation that the church had “violated its own values” in its actions the previous year, but still insisted that the church was not capable of addressing the hurt and slander in the transparent way I was suggesting. I remember looking at my husband at that point and saying, in tears, “Here we go again.” We had been through this before and I knew where I was headed with the refusal of the church to acknowledge the truth about what had transpired and address the hurts it had caused and allowed. Disillusionment…I was on my way.

My mind was racing. How could we…the congregation I loved and trusted…claim that we did not have the organizational capacity to act in a Biblical manner? What the heck was organizational capacity anyway? More religious jargon…more veiled church speak.

Then, the pastor addressed my broken state. He expressed his concern for my wellbeing, my marriage and my family. He suggested that sometimes we need to step back from a situation in order to regain our perspective. He recommended that I step back from the church for a bit until I could regain my perspective. I believed he was suggesting this action out of genuine concern for me and I knew I needed to heed the advice.

Looking back, I find it interesting that he (and several others) suggested that I step back from the church or find another place to worship…for my wellbeing…rather than addressing the problem at that church openly and honestly with the congregation and working toward reconciliation. I wonder if they were hoping that I would step back, regain a perspective that was more in line with theirs and then return as a compliant sister? Or were they hoping I would simply step back and take my female emotional mess somewhere else?

I did exactly as he instructed and stepped back from church. In the months since, I’ve walked through some dark days of questioning and doubts. And I’ve gained a new perspective rather than regaining my perspective. They are two very different things.

Let me be honest. I can be pretty sarcastic, but I want to be clear here. I mean this without even a hint of sarcasm. Even though I didn’t necessarily agree with his rationale, I am truly grateful for the pastor’s advice/permission to step back and give myself some time. I’m seeing the world from  a whole new perspective and it’s slowly completing the picture of faith in God for me. I’m seeing the positives, as well as, the negatives of the way I’ve “done church” for so many years. I doubt I could have ever gained this larger perspective without taking his advice.