Wednesday, September 17, 2014

The Tunnel Of Chaos

For two and a half years I’ve been in turmoil. Struggling to understand the chaos around me. Trying to understand the reaction of church members to my requests for honesty and transparency. Trying to understand how I had so grossly misunderstood Scripture over so many years. Questioning myself, my motives, my character. Bashing myself for not being able to see our church situation as the church members I had always respected saw it: as unfortunate, but part of life that had to be accepted. At times I dealt with depression so dark and painful that I begged God for the desire to even live in the world that I no longer understood. A world so chaotic, I was unsure how to even exist in it.

And then a friend urged me to watch this video. She felt it might help me gain some perspective on the last 2 1/2 years. I’m so grateful.


  1. It breaks my heart to read your story. I too am a minister's wife and our family has gone through similar church trouble where we had to resign. This was 20 years ago. My father-in-law was the senior pastor, my husband the youth pastor and associate pastor and my brother-in-law the music minister. We all resigned; left the denomination and began a new work. Where we differ is that a major portion of the church family left with us. We were mainly fighting the higher powers in the denomination. BUT the hurt was there big time, many false accusations made against us and has taken many years to "move on" with. Even as recent as just a couple of years ago with one last false accusation against my father-in-law who is deceased at that time from what we thought were close friends. Because of this, our church has become a healing place for "church-hurt" people and pastors. I pray for you and your family. I pray you become closer to the Lord and not let people drive you from Him. God bless your family and I pray you find a place of healing.