Today

Just over a year since I’ve felt the urge to write a post. And I believe this may be the last. Words feel so meaningless these days…as far as talking about or writing about the experiences of these last few years. Explaining the journey would be impossible unless you were part of it on a daily basis or had a few weeks and a huge desire to sit down and chat. Writing about the experience was therapeutic for a while. Now it feels rather pointless.

It’s been 4 long years. No feel-good happy ending. No mind-blowing examples of “Biblical reconciliation” to speak of. No apologies to the ministers or their families. No public acknowledgement of the deception that took place among the deacons, staff or members. It’s a new era at FBC with a new pastor and staff members. The depth of sickness that sent so many lives reeling off course slowly being buried “in the past”.

All that to say, things have changed for me. Life has changed. I walked through the depths of depression and disbelief and fought my way back to living…all the time holding on to a few words that brought me hope that someday things would make some sort of sense again.

And it’s happening day by day. A new life. New surroundings. New relationships. New ideas. All experienced through new eyes. The eyes of a broken, yet grateful me. I hope I never forget the depth of the pain or take for granted the ways it changed how I see people. We are all broken in some way. Whether we want to admit it or not. We need one another. And those who don’t try to hide their brokenness are often the best at nursing the wounds of others. At least, that’s been my experience.

Yesterday was a big leap toward feeling purpose and joy again. Three young people have awakened the part of myself I feared I’d lost. We’re an unlikely crew. But they have taught me to take chances with my heart again. To be brave. To laugh. To think deeply about life and consider the experiences of others. They didn’t know the burden I was carrying when they knocked on my door nearly a year ago. They rarely ask about my life before they were a part of it. They don’t focus on the past. They live for today and dream of the future. And I’m learning to do the same.

Lyrics by Josh Garrels