I Did it Again

Reminds me of a song (of course)…”Oops, I Did it Again”…except there was no “oops” about it. I went to church solely out of guilt…again. Why do I do that? Some might say it’s out of conviction or the prompting of the Holy Spirit. I’ve experienced both and I’m telling you that’s not why I went to church this morning. I went to “set an example" for my children and avoid the guilt that would have shadowed the remainder of my day. I don’t feel like I care that much about what others say or think about me, but clearly church attendance is engrained in me and I do care. I’m willing to go and sit through a service that makes my palms sweat and my stomach ache to avoid feeling…what? Unchurched, disobedient, unChristian?

I know in my heart what could “fix” this, but am I willing to go there?  It might not look acceptable to the Christians around me that I’ve known for years and years. Sitting amongst the “church family”, I wonder if we will ever “put off falsehood and speak truthfully to our neighbor” since we are “all members of one body” ?(Ephesians 4:25) The lack of truth and transparency has been at the root of my struggle with church for many years. I’m not naïve enough to think that all churches don’t have problems and I am well aware that the church is made up of non-perfect people. I can deal with that. What I can’t deal with is the unwillingness of people in the church to admit the presence of problems. It’s as if, by ignoring problems and creating our own reality in our minds, we can continue presenting a united “front” to the world that we’ve got it all under control. It’s crazy! The community knows we’re covering up the truth about who we really are…they’re not fooled.