My intention was to simply point out the inconsistencies in the “story” emerging from FBC by chronicling my own experience over the last 2 years. I can’t. Here’s why:
1. Collateral Damage
As I began writing the details of my journey, every time I mentioned a conversation or included a document that pointed out an inconsistency, the faces of the children and spouse of the person involved came to mind. I can’t bring myself to publish the information on the web because I understand the gravity of collateral damage to families. Through conversations with the wives of several of the men involved, it’s become apparent to me that they know only the version of the last 2 years that their husbands have told them. And some parts are in direct conflict with the conversations I’ve had with these men and the documents that were never released to the congregation. But, the biggest roadblock for me are the children of some of the people I’d have to mention in my experience. I can’t get past the effect it would have on them if I published my experience. It’s unfortunate that I have to choose between telling the truth of my experience (for the sake of the wounded ministers’ families) and staying silent about important parts of my experience (for the sake of the wounders’ families).
2. Fear of Retribution
During the last 2 years, I’ve spoken personally with several individuals who recounted their own experiences in years past with FBC and the resulting fallout in the life of their families. These accounts are in addition to my own and those of the ministers in the most recent chain of events. They are stories from the early 1980’s, the late 1980’s, the early 2000’s and 2012-present. The common thread in every one of the accounts: When pressed, some members of FBC leadership (both paid staff and lay positions) will do whatever it takes to save face in the community with little regard for families, Biblical conflict resolution or absolute unaltered truth. (note: Some of the current leadership have been in leadership positions during every instance brought to my attention by the wounded I mentioned above…since the 1980’s. And yet members of FBC will tell you today that “this will never happen again” while leaving these individuals in places of authority.)
After watching those in leadership over the last 2 years, I fear the result of publishing my experience. Not so much for myself, but for the families of the ministers who have already sustained a damaging blow. I’ve witnessed the willingness of leadership and church members to change the story, embellish the story, slightly alter the story in order to retain a grain of truth to claim, create a story, refuse to hear another side of the story, pretend there is no story. Nothing would surprise me. And I can’t risk further injury to families who are already nursing wounds.
3. And This…
Unfortunately, many in the congregation choose to keep their heads in the sand and claim they can’t do anything about the injustices taking place in their midst because they “still don’t know what happened”. If you are a church member who still doesn’t know what happened, did you ask questions? Or did you choose to remain ignorant to the facts, claiming it wasn’t any of your business? Did you verify the accounts you heard with both parties…the accused as well as the accusers? Did you accept what you heard as fact because it was spoken from the mouth of a leader you respected? Are you comfortable with the damage to real people caused by the actions of some in your church body? Are you comfortable with the damage to families that was allowed to take place while the majority of your church body sat by and refused to get involved?
I’m walking away from publishing my experience, but I will continue to be transparent in sharing it when asked.
Where do I go from here?
I will focus on the healing of myself and my family. I will try to buck the cynicism in hopes that I can one day shake it loose and step back into a church without it being a traumatic experience.
I will continue to journey alongside the wounded families as they learn to cope with the lack of closure, disinterest by the church in reconciliation and the damaged reputations that were the beautiful gifts presented to them by FBC. (I said I’ll be working on the cynicism thing.)
I will continue to document my journey and the journey of others who are dealing with the aftermath of what I consider spiritual abuse.
Spiritual Abuse:
“Spiritual abuse takes place when leaders to whom people look for guidance and spiritual nurture use their positions of authority to manipulate, control, and dominate.” - Ronald Enroth
“Spiritual abuse happens when a leader with spiritual authority uses that authority to coerce, control or exploit a follower, thus causing spiritual wounds.” - Ken Blue (Healing Spiritual Abuse)
“Spiritual abuse occurs when someone in a position of spiritual authority, the purpose of which is to ‘come underneath’ and serve, build, equip and make God’s people more free, misuses that authority, placing themselves over God’s people to control, coerce or manipulate them for seemingly godly purposes which are really their own.” - Jeff VanVonderen (Spiritual Abuse Recovery Resources)
“Ask yourself if you are in a place of worship where there is always a fresh, radical presentation of the freedom and equality of individual followers of Christ. If not, consider leaving, because in the end you will find your Christian community was never really about Christ or His people at all.”
~ Wade Burleson
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