Moving Forward

I thought I had signed off for good…but, plans change…and so do hearts.

Day by day, as I walk this new territory as an unchurched believer in Jesus, I’m gaining new insight into what I never had a clue about as a church member. The biggest eye opener has been just how uncomfortable we are as church members with those who profess to believe in Jesus, but aren’t official members of a congregation. We seem to be comfortable with the “us” (Christians) and “them” (non-Christians) scenario. There’s security in the notion that we are the “saved” ones and we are comfortable with the idea that our job is to get all those “lost” people into church. But, how do you explain a person who professes to believe in Jesus, but isn’t ready or willing to be a church member? It seems that we’ve begun to equate church membership with spirituality. Such a person must not really be a Christian…or she must not be very  serious about her faith…or maybe she is just bitter, which makes her spiritually immature.

Several times a week, someone from my old church asks me where I’m going to church now. My response is a simple: Nowhere. After the bugged out eyeball look and the shock wear off, here are the most common responses:

 

 

-Well, you need to get somewhere and get involved.

-Don’t let Satan get a foothold in your life and rob you of your joy.

-Have you visited any churches?

-You should try X, Y or Z Church…X Church has deep preaching, but the praise band isn’t very good…Y Church is a good place to be anonymous and relax, the music is great, but the preaching is a little shallow…Church Z is great, but there are too many young people there. You’d probably like one of them.

-That’s not good. (*frowning and head shaking back and forth*)

-You’ve got to find a place (meaning church) to serve.

-You’re so talented, I hate to see your gifts not being used.

-We were meant to be part of a (church) body.

 

 

Honestly, people just don’t know what to do with people like me. So, most of them end up giving me advice and throwing a Christian cliché my way…and then they disappear.

However, there are a few people who have saved me from the crushing depression and anger I’ve experienced over what transpired in church over the last 18 months…and the guilt over my subsequent knee-jerk reaction to retreat from church all together for a while. They also love Jesus and understand His sovereignty and grace…which allows them to love me right where I am (and it’s ugly) knowing that I belong to Him…and he won’t let go of me. They don’t quote scripture AT me and tell me how to feel and how long I’m allowed to take working through the doubts and hurt. And they listen…period. And they are honest and real about their own journey. No pretense. No desire to prove their spiritual superiority.

On the days I scream at God to step up and make sense of this nonsense, he must be patiently waiting for me to learn how to treat people the way I want to be treated, not the way that we’ve become comfortable with and condoned in church. There absolutely is no other way I could have gained this insight than to be thrust into the position I find myself hovering in…

 

By the way…here are the responses that are running through my head as I listen to all this advice:

 

-Well, you need to get somewhere and get involved. (Or what? What will happen to me?)

-Don’t let Satan get a foothold in your life and rob you of your joy. (Actually, Satan didn’t rob me of my joy…the deacons who told untruths about people, the ministers and church leaders who were too afraid to stand up and tell the truth and the people who chose to quietly turn a blind eye to the carnage…those are the people who robbed me of my joy. If you want to equate the two…that’s your choice.)

-Have you visited any churches? (Why? Will that make YOU feel better?)

-You should try X, Y or Z Church…X Church has deep preaching, but the praise band isn’t very good…Y Church is a good place to be anonymous and relax, the music is great, but the preaching is a little shallow…Church Z is great, but there are too many young people there. You’d probably like one of them. (Hmmm…)

-That’s not good. (*frowning and head shaking back and forth*) (He/she thinks I’m headed to hell.)

-You’ve got to find a place to serve. (Great! I’ll continue serving my patients and neighbors and friends and family!)

-You’re so talented, I hate to see your gifts not being used. (Why do you assume that church is the only place I can use my gifts?)

-We were meant to be part of a (church) body. (I was part of a “body” …that covered up the truth and did whatever was necessary to “save face” in the community. I’d rather not revisit that “body” concept again for a while.)